I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
