she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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