he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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