I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she looked like the before picture.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
