A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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