when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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