i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think my moral compass just broke
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