can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
