we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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