woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
