Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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