Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
