I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
