was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize