I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We just shotgunned beers for America
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
