he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
