I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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