maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
