The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
