my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
