If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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