I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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