Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
