i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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