Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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