1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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