Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize