I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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