When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
