dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
