ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
