I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
