marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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