I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
