Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
