She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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