It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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