Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
