I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
