Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
