I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My feet surprised me
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