if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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