he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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