Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
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I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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