you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
