Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize