Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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