I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
