Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
