Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
