Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
