How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
