did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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