So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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