If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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