He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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