Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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