You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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