In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize