Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
