Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
