I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
