if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
