it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
